I’m a professor at a local college. I saw many of my colleagues take up with students and it always seemed creepy to me.
I swore I’d never look at any of my students that way, and I never did.
Until one day when G walked in to my class. It was difficult to keep my composure when I lectured in front of him. He never talked in my class, but I could always see him out of the corner of my eye. I tried to avoid looking at him, because I would often start to stutter or lose my train of thought. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a physical attraction so strongly.
Most of my students are very animated, and it always kind of dismayed me that he never participated in any of the lively discussions we had. I loved his writing; it was insightful and amusing and powerful. I learned that he was a Marine and a combat vet, and that he was in my class as a re-entry student, which made him slightly older than most of the other students (still sixteen years younger than I was, though). I could feel his eyes on me whenever I lectured, but I did my best to dismiss it, by avoiding looking directly at him and telling myself every day that there was no way he could possibly be thinking the same thing I was thinking.
I didn’t make any inappropriate advances while he was a student in my class. I didn’t exchange more than two words with him, honestly, until the last day, when he approached me after class. To my surprise, my heart started actually racing as I watched him come closer. He smiled at me and said “Thanks for a great semester. I enjoyed your class.”
I have no idea how I responded or even if I did.
Then he walked out and I thought that was the last time I would see him.
It was several months after the class ended when i received an unexpected email from him. He was recommending a video on YouTube that reminded him of something I said in class, and passing it along in case I found it useful sometime in the future. All I can say is that when I saw his name in my in-box, I swear I almost swooned. If anyone had been nearby, I might have called for smelling salts.
I emailed him back, trying to be as urbane and witty as I could, totally lying to myself that it was only because I had respect for him as a student and nothing more. When I heard back from him again the next day, though, I knew it was hopeless. He didn’t say anything lewd or even flirtatious, but I felt the weight of desire all the same. We began an affair that same week, and now, more than four years later, we still see each other a couple of times a month.
I don’t know about him, but I’ve never told a soul. It’s not because I am ashamed, necessarily. We arent doing anything wrong, technically. He was a student, yes, and I can never get fully away from that fact; even though we waited until after the semester ended and even though we were both single consenting adults, he was still closer to my daughter’s age than mine and, at that time, still a student at the school where I taught. It didn’t stop us, though.
I know that someday he’ll want a “real” relationship, maybe even a wife and family of his own and then it will be over for us. If it ends tomorrow or years from now, it will have been worth every second we spent together and I will have nothing but wonderful memories that will make me smile and blush on my deathbed.
Even though I only seem him 2 or 3 times a month, he still makes my heart race every time.