Know When To “Leave” That Toxic Relationship

By Izza Hafeez

Well for me it was a lot of signs building up (that I chose to naively ignore)

1. my relationship lasted a long and very hard 15 months
2. We went on a “honeymoon” cruise months after the wedding
3. He completely abandoned me on the cruise to go out drinking with strangers (pretty sure he cheated on me this night too) anyway comes back to the cabin at 2:30 a.m. completely drunk. I foolishly let it go
4. Fast forward a couple months later and we’ve just closed on a house (my gut told me to not give him my money to buy this house, but oh well live and learn) I am cooking dinner for his families function after coming home from working 10 hours
5. He calls me says he will be a little late grabbing dinner with his boss (no biggie I’m all about networking)
6. Calls me a few hours later saying how he has “effed up” and is too drunk to come home (again pretty sure he’s with another woman because I can clearly hear her in the background) I repeatedly ask him where are you because I wasn’t about to deal with him drunk driving and ruining someone else’s life.
7. Completely ignores me and conveniently his phone battery is dying lol sure
8. Comes back “home” at 3:00 a.m. drunk out of his mind (his boss paid for an Uber)
9. The next day I have to face his family at this stupid dinner that I’ve slaved cooking for (I am heated at this point)
10. I decide to share how he has been treating me to his parents (with the hope they can talk some sense into their son) this horribly backfired
11. He ends up saying how I betrayed his trust by telling his parents (what would you do if your “spouse” didn’t respect you whenever you expressed your emotions. You would seek guidance as I did
12. Anywho a few weeks later the same boss that he went out and got drunk with fired him (imagine that)
13. So here I am, 23 years old finishing my degree, working full time and now running a household on a single income.
14. The last few weeks of the relationship were the worst. Now him being newly unemployed tells me that I have to come home at a certain time to WARM HIS FOOD FOR HIM ummmm what?…
15. Being the arrogant child that I was told him that his mother should’ve taught him how to warm his own food and I’m not leaving my job at his predetermined time to warm his food. Had this conversation during my lunch break had to go back to work
16. A few days after this I come home and he is slurring his speech (he’s still unemployed) I ask have you been drinking this causes him to completely erupt. He begins to chase me around the house, chokes me and I ran to one bathroom. He kicked that door down, ran to to another room and he kicked that door down (“don’t lock doors in my house bitch”) photos attached
17. At this same time he calls my dad about what’s going on and now I’m positive he is drunk and begins to cuss my dad out completely. Needless to say I told him “I’m going for a drive to clear my head.” His response “Eff you bitch” left to my parents house who live 3 hours away that night
18. The SAME night his mom, dad and him show up. Apparently he had told them that I ran away after scratching up his arm umm hello you had your arms around my neck how else does one forcibly remove arms from around their neck.
19. My dad tried to reason with them but his parents are master manipulators (I wonder where gets it from) his mother had the audacity to say that “I don’t deserve a home or happiness” and that “I can never keep her son happy.” hmmm your son is the one that’s the drunk, failed his college programs multiple times, has had a DUI, has been arrested for narcotics, open container violations. (Mind you this is a “Muslim” family where majority of this is forbidden)
20. I end up calling my job explaining how my verbal abuse has turned physical and I’m unable to come in for a few days.
21. The same night my dad advised me to divorce him and that I’ll find true happiness elsewhere
22. I didn’t oblige right away. After 10 days I go back to work near where my “home” was. I’m living in a hotel because I didn’t want to share a bed with him
23. Out of the blue he contacts me saying “other people shouldn’t make decisions for us and we should decide the future of our relationship together.”
24. I meet with him (regret regret regret)
25. Talk about how we can move forward, I ask him “why did you choke me?” He denies it completely and at this point I’m looking around the house and all of the broken doors are fixed. His master manipulator dad is covering up his son (yet again) but I’m not stupid I took photos because I knew I was dealing with a narcissistic psychopath.
26. He continues to deny that he ever choked me I end up leaving and still staying in a hotel, bothered by how he can deny him choking me
27. I finally decide I want out of this relationship. Oh! Completely forgot he limited my access to the house that I was paying for. “If I want to come into the house it will only be by him opening the door”
28. So decide I’m done go to the house to get my belongings he tells me if I take a single thing out of the house I have no right to come back. Lol sure that’s how it works
29. I tell him that I don’t want to be with him anymore grab a few of my items begin to leave and he forcibly grabs me by the arm I tell him to let go he picks me up and throws me across the house by my arm my shoes go flying everywhere, my knees are badly bruised.
30. The cops are called by some good people he’s arrested for domestic violence, was on probation for 6 months.

Always listen to your gut instinct if you don’t feel confident it’s probably because your mind and body know that a certain something will cause you more harm than good.

Source: Quora