By Michael Bosman
Settling/Rushing
`You`re born, you get a job, you marry, you start a family…then you die!`
Western society frames marriage as one of the key cornerstones of adulthood.
Therefore, in modern pop-culture, images of happy, contented, and healthy families, couples, and partners are beamed into our homes, plastered on billboards, and posted on social media.
As a reminder, if you are single, you become the topic of debate amongst family members, married or single friends, and co-workers who see you as something of an outlier, a poor unfortunate soul who, supposedly, needs guidance to get back on the `straight and narrow`.
There is pressure from all corners to be `exclusive` to somebody.
In order to appease these voices and avoid ostracization, many people embark on a desperate search for `the one`, and the older they get, the louder the voices and the self-criticism becomes.
This can lead people to just `get` a partner, anyone who is `decent`.
Rather than knowing what they want, setting a particular standard, finding the right partner for them, and making their self-development a priority, they place too much emphasis on finding a partner to `complete` them (more on this later).
Then, the inevitable happens.
Regret starts to seep in as they discover that they settled for something that they didn`t really want in order to fulfill a role or make others happy.
You only get one life.
You should never settle for anything other than what you want, and this applies to anything in your life, whether that be your career, your health, or your significant other.
Ignoring red flags
Everybody has their flaws.
Nobody is perfect.
Strive however hard for perfection, as we might, we will inevitably come up short in some department.
All people have areas of their lives that they could improve upon, none more so than in their personal lives.
In our pursuit of happiness in our love lives, a lot of us commit the faux pas of glossing over `red flags`, character traits that violate our morals and standards, whether that be physical or verbal abuse or behavior that places their own personal safety in danger.
Why do we do this?
For a number of reasons.
Firstly, we are heavily attracted to the person’s looks, to the point where we will ignore their appalling behavior just to have a `trophy` on our arm.
Secondly, we believe that because nobody is perfect, all we need to do to get them to fall in line with our ideals of what a partner should be is to `work on them` and, over time, they will eventually evolve into such a person.
Or, we are just so damned frightened of being alone and carrying the stigma of rejection, failure, or loss.
Under no circumstances should you accept abuse, neglect, or destructive behavior of any kind.
You only get what you accept.
Rid yourself of such toxicity and hold yourself to a higher standard.
Making your partner the center of your life
You`ve got a great career you`ve always wanted.
You`ve got money in your pocket.
You get to travel the world every year.
You have a family that loves and supports you.
You are fit and healthy.
You have it all….or so it seems, to most people.
But, for some reason, you still feel something lacking.
You feel that you need a partner to `complete` you.
But, why?
Because that is what society, culture, and the media have been drilling into your head since the day you were born.
Imagine, if you will, making your partner the sole purpose behind your existence.
What were to happen to you if they suddenly died, broke up with you, or divorced you?
How would you react?
What would your `life` look like then?
Not pretty, I`d guess.
The truth is you have everything that you need to live a great life right now.
You should never need anyone to make you feel `whole`.
A relationship should be an addition to your life, not the culmination of your life`s work.
What you should focus on is living out your life`s purpose.
What was it that you were put on this planet to do?
I can assure you that it was not simply to find your `one true love`.
People who live in this manner, putting their purpose before relationships, are, by and large, happier, healthier, and have greater balance in their lives.
So, think of your relationship as the furnishings in your house, not the house itself.
Source: Quora