By BOSEDE OLA-SAMUEL
One major intimidating challenge of the ageing couples is sexual boredom. At this stage, sexual act is usually irregular and quite unsatisfactory. This is due to many factors of the ageing process. Physiological decline takes place at this stage, affecting the performance of the organs of the body of both sexes. This does not exclude the sex organs as well. The law of diminishing return comes into play, making sexual intercourse an uninteresting phenomenon for couples.
Challenges of the ageing process
Loss of sexual desire: Both men and women do experience less sexual drive as they grow old. The once high level of excitement about sex usually diminishes, especially in men. At this stage, couples do take a stock or their lives, and get preoccupied with the desire for greater achievements. And since sex is a thing of the mind, it often tends to be the last thing on the menu of married couples. This is the stage at which wives turn down the sexual advances of their husbands. It’s not uncommon to hear phrases like, “Is that the next thing in life, “With all that we are going through in life, should this become your preoccupation?” etc. In fact challenges of life can take the desire for sex out of a man, who is goal driven.
Body changes affecting the sex organs:As we age, the sex organs also begin to function improperly. For the husbands, it’s the penis that starts losing strong erection while dryness of the vagina is the case with the wives. According to Tim Lahaye, in his co-authored book, ‘The Act of Marriage’, “As people grow older, the various parts of the body begin to wear out, but the process is unpredictable as the people involved…It is not uncommon for senior citizens, particularly men, to experience occasional malfunctions in love making.”
Out of shame and loss of self-confidence, the husbands begin to dodge sex with the wives. On the other hand, the wives, for the fear of pains associated with penetration, excuses upon excuses become the order of the day, about the call for sex, from the husbands.
Lack of sexual fulfillment
The earlier mentioned challenges often lead to lack of sexual fulfillment. Sex ceases to be as interestingly engaging as before. It becomes duty bound, especially for the wives. This brings series of challenges to the home.
Infidelity:When there is lack of sexual satisfaction, couples do take to extra marital affairs, in order to find fulfillment.
Emotional trauma: When couples, especially husbands become sexually incapacitated, loss of self-confidence sets in and it becomes a case of psychological depression. It begins to affect their performances at the work place, social gathering and even in the home. At this stage the husbands are full of feeling of inadequacy and it begins to drive their fear of losing their wives to other men, via infidelity or divorce. The wives also experience the fear of the unknown at this stage. That is, their husbands, out of lack of sexual fulfillment, may be exposed to sexual temptations and outright infidelity, which portends for them, the danger of losing what they have laboured for, together with their husbands, to other women.
The truth of the matter is that if the situations are properly handled, sexual fulfillment is still achievable as couples age. For instance Tim Lahaye in the referenced book once asked a man in his mid-seventies, having a wife, who was about three to four years younger, how often they still had sex. This was his answer,”At least, three times a week”. What was the secret of this couple? The partners had found a way of handling the challenges of the ageing process for sexual fulfillment.
The following could be helpful at this ageing stage.
Mindset solution
Couples should stop believing certain myths about ageing and sex. In a society like ours, the myth that sex is for young people is one that has gained grounds. Therefore, wives have come to believe that sex is an obligation to their husbands in order to keep the home. Thus, sex is all about their husbands and for procreation. So, once they become old, sex is over for them. For the husbands, the fear of ageing process taking its toll on their sexual performance has held them bound. We therefore have to deal with all these, for sexual fulfillment to become a reality during the ageing stage. There is no reason why a couple should not enjoy great sex into their seventies and eighties, given that the health situation is supportive of such.
The Masters and Johnson research team also believe that with good health and availability of an interested partner, there is no absolute age at which sexual abilities disappear.
Understanding partners
Couples need to show a great level of understanding towards one another. The wives should not taunt their husbands for lack of strong erection at this stage. Rather they should cooperate with their husbands, through high level of direct genital stimulation, since it takes longer time for older men to become aroused. The husbands should also cooperate with their wives in the usage of lubricant since its dryness becomes more pronounced with age.
Regular exercises by the couples which keeps one healthy and fit in bed or for sex. Thirty minutes of brisk walking, thrice a week, will do a good job.
Supplements intake: Many couples, especially the husbands, in their sixties and above, have found the usage of vitamin E, zinc and other supplements useful in reigniting their virility.
Sufficient Rest: It’s a thing of note that sufficient restful sleep or afternoon naps can rejuvenate the body. Revitalising the body with enough sleep is needful for a healthy sex life.
Eliminate habits that are inimical to good health and great sex life. Alcohol should be limited, especially before sexual act, because it decreases the body capacity to produce testosterone and negatively impacts sexual ability.
With all the above, among others, and availing themselves of information on sex and sexual fulfillment should be a good feature of the ageing stage in marriage. (Culled from Nigerian Tribune)
