By Doug Armey
When my wife and I dated we hated the hours we were apart.
Oh, and couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we were together.
But then, that’s another story.
I’d drop her off at her parent’s house. Walk her to the door. Kiss her goodnight on the porch. Not go in because her dad still wasn’t exactly thrilled I was stealing his 20 year old daughter.
And ache until I’d see her again the next evening after school and work.
Then we married. And I didn’t need to drop her off and leave.
We were together for dinner. After dinner. When we went to sleep. When we woke up. All day, every day on the weekends and holidays.
When we were sick. When we wanted to play. When one of us wanted to do something we enjoyed that the other thought, “Yeah, not so much.”
It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other just as much.
It was more like deciding to eat ice cream, for every meal, every day, forever. It’s really fun, for a while.
So my wife and I learned a lesson that’s helped us keep looking forward to our times together.
We let sunshine into our marriage.
Both of us need time in the sun to grow. Our relationship needs basking in sunshine to be healthy.
We give each other time alone to pursue life and interests we individually have but don’t necessarily share.
We both work. She from our home. And I have an office.
On the weekends, she loves gardening. I find gardening a bit excruciating. My hyperactive mind never turns off and races overtime while gardening driving her and me crazy.
Ok, well it’s a short trip for me.
I enjoy restoring and driving classic sports cars. I have a set of coveralls in her size. I don’t remember her ever wearing them.
She says to her friends, “I never have to wonder where he is on the weekend. He’s always in the back garage. I can hear him.”
And occasionally that’s swearing. See, you have to yell at old British sports cars to get them to run sometimes.
She belongs to a women’s guild that supports our local children’s hospital.
I belong to Rotary and served as president.
We enjoy sailing, skiing and traveling together.
So most days we’re apart during the day. Doing our own thing. Growing in the sun.
When we meet up in the evening we both are looking forward to our evening walk where we catch up on the day. Enjoy hearing of each other’s adventures.
And treasure our evening and night together until the next morning when we each walk into the sunshine again.
So on the weekend I can find her puttering in the garden. And she can hear me working on and sometimes swearing at one of the sports cars.
Oh, and both of us, feeling gratitude for another day together.
Closeness in a marriage isn’t built by always being together but giving time to be apart.
Source: Quora
