SHARING bank accounts and sharing the bills
My husband and I share bank accounts for projects and other things, but we still operate our individual accounts.We withdraw with consent from each other. Agreed consent. So another question here is: “Will you be able to share one bank account? Would you prefer to keep individual accounts? Both? And what bills will be paid from what accounts? And by whom? And when? Will you each put a certain percentage of your income/revenue into it and toward shared bills? Would you be open to having an emergency fund account? Would you open accounts for the kids? As joint signatories or not? And what percentage of funds would go in and how regularly? What if one person is out of job? Or then decides to stay home to raise the kids? What if the male wants to stay home? What’s your plan for affording that? Or if you both will work, what would be the cost implication? Electricity bill? Dstv? Food? Clothes? Medical? Who will handle those? How about school fees? Toiletries? Upkeep for in laws and siblings?
SEE 5 Topics to discuss in a relationship before you settle down
Division of house chores .
You will need to decide who will do the dishes? Wash clothes? Baby sit? It is important to negotiate and plead if you have to so that you aren’t stuck doing the thing you least like all the time. For instance, I hate washing plates, even as a woman. I can wash clothes for Africa, but plates? I HATE it.I thank God that the children have now rescued me; they have been given the duty of ensuring the plates get washed. If you hate washing dishes, but don’t mind washing clothes like I do, suggest to your partner that you’ll handle meal preparations all the time if he or she agrees to take on the dishes for you. Come to an amicable agreement. This can only work if what you hate is what your partner can tolerate or even likes. But if your partner hates it too, then you have to find a way to compromise, using your best skills.Just add an incentive if you want the other person to help with it. I didn’t say manipulation, use a positive incentive. May be expensive take out regularly etc.
Sex.
This may be hard to discuss but it is very, very important. Do you want to sleep with just one person for the rest of your life? Hmmm, tough question! Would you be happy and satisfied? If not, then you will need to discuss this with your partner, especially in these days of ‘open marriages’. Discuss methods you intend to use to keep the fire burning, and of course ensure you both remain sexually appealing to each other. It is all a matter of choice really.
SEE 5 Topics to discuss in a relationship before you settle down
Nuclear and Extended Family obligations.
In the face of economic hardship and the need for both parents to work and earn income to sustain the family, you also have to decide how much time each of you will spend with the family, home training, spending time with the grandmas and grandpas or relatives.How much do you expect to spend with them once you’re married and have children, or even without children. Discuss how much time you expect your spouse to spend with them (and vice versa) and how or who will be responsible for care of the parents or extended family. Especially as our culture dictates one must care for other family members.
Vacations.
What would you want your vacation to be like? With the children or without the children? In addition to extended family vacations, you and your partner need to discuss other types of vacations you do or don’t enjoy. Which country would be a yes for you both? And which would be a NO!!! Likewise, are you a workaholic so much that you can’t bear to be away from the business or job? In this case, you will need to agree amicably as vacation e is meant to be a time of rest and fun. You can’t expect to plan all your vacations for the rest of your life together, but discussing some solutions that you’re both OK with will help you address friction in the future and maintain peace in the home.
The family name
There are some cultures where children bear the names of grandparents. So you need to decide what your family name should be? Is it very common? Would you want to make it a compound name? Will your spouse change her maiden name? What’s your family name going to be? Do not wait till the final day to decide. Talk it out.
Career and academics
Are both of you committed to your career? How committed are you? Do you live to work or work to live? Does your life revolve round your job? How will your respective careers affect your family life and family time? Have you been able to achieve your dream career? Are you going to face academics or professional certification? And if you have not achieved that level, what time frame will this take? What kind of personal sacrifices will you have to make to climb the career ladder of your choice? Are you ready to throw it all away for career? Or stick to the family first motto?
All these aspects and maybe more need to be discussed to ensure there are no misconceptions or assumptions. I wish you all the best!
The Nation
