By Jonas Odocha
The human society is enriched by the harmonious coexistence of people, because as it is usually expressed, no one individual can be an island unto oneself. We depend on one another for one thing or the other and this interdependence is the crux of the success of the human race.
This co-existential success is buttressed by or anchored on one key ingredient, Trust, since the human mind is deceitful and difficult to read. It is thus on the basis of trust that we can lend to a friend or relative, believing that we are offering an assistance which should be reciprocated by repayment or return of the lent item as agreed. It is also on the basis of this trust that we can borrow, equally believing that the request or assistance will be rendered and repayment or return implemented.
However, this trust on the basis of which lending or borrowing was agreed, can be truncated when either party fails to keep to the agreed terms of return of the borrowed item or repayment of a borrowed amount. This situation often leads to strained relationships, litigations and even to more sinister consequences of loss of life and physical assets.
In the village setting there are age-old admonitions by sages on lending and borrowing, meaning that they were expressing their thoughts based on past sad experiences of others. A rather common adage in the village community states that: “the manner a request is made by a friend or relative while borrowing is never the same manner when it comes to repayment or return of the borrowed item.” This can be further translated to mean that when one is in need as to borrow, one appeals to the lender in the softest of persuasions and pleas, but when it comes to redeeming of the agreed terms, the tone and response assume a different colouration, at times hostile! The sages have said it all. But the more instructive on this subject matter can be gleaned from the work of William Shakespeare in Hamlet. In Act I, Scene III of that master-piece of a play, Shakespeare admonishes thus: “Neither a Borrower nor a Lender be, for Loan oft loses both itself and Friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of Husbandry.”
I am sure a good number of people must have experienced what the sages and Shakespeare had admonished us to avoid. But why do we still get trapped in this untoward situation? TRUST! SWEET-TONGUES! SENTIMENTS! PRESTIGE! FOLLY!
There is the inherent human nature to assist when one is approached to help. A friend, a colleague or an associate, and indeed very often a relative, may approach you with a rather pathetic story of needing to solve a financial problem with the aim of borrowing an amount from you with the assurance that you are to be repaid unfailingly at the “end of the month.” In order to sustain the existing relationship and as a matter of trust, you go ahead to lend as requested. Oftentimes as the agreed repayment time approaches you begin to notice a gradual withdrawal of the borrower-friend/relative. Finally the onus now lies on you to keep demanding for the repayment, and excuses begin to pour in. You may be lucky in getting his/her attention in the end and the money eventually returned, in part or in full. Under some other circumstances a deaf ear could be turned to your reminders and your persistence may lead to retorts and exchanges never anticipated by you from such a person you trusted to reciprocate your kind gesture. Such is the reality of life.
With this rather simplistic scenario you can then understand why William Shakespeare admonished that neither a lender nor a borrower be, because a loan often loses both itself and the friend! Then for you the borrower Shakespeare posits that it dulls the edge of husbandry, technically or literally meaning that borrowing demeans the borrower, especially when he fails to redeem his pledge timely.
Does it then mean that we should not help one another when one is in dire need? No! The point being made is that your assistance must not be such that you end up regretting your action or losing a friend or relative as a consequence of a good gesture. What then is advisable?
It is good to read books and discuss human relations matters to know how best to navigate through life and live your life to the fullest without bringing undue stress to yourself in an already stressful world. When my younger brother recommended a book to me to read, I thought that it was just one of the run-of-the-mill books that adorn book stands. Today I am glad that I did! It opened my eyes and thoughts to a lot in life, especially when it comes to organising one’s finances and managing friends and family. The book: THE RICHEST MAN IN BABYLON, is worth your time and thoughts as well. I have since been practising what it did recommend when it comes to SAVING, LENDING and BORROWING.
When a friend or relative approaches you to borrow any amount of money, you are advised to politely turn it down but be ready to assist him with a GRANT [free donation] that you can comfortably afford to part with, as your assistance to him. This is in realisation that he came to you because he believes or assumes that you have the means to bail him out. Let him know that he is not expected to pay you back this given sum of money but that he can go elsewhere to make up the rest of the request. By so doing you have assisted him to the best of your ability and have also escaped the stress of waiting for eternity for the repayment. It works perfectly for me!