I knew my marriage was over the moment my husband stopped kissing me goodbye in the mornings before work. Although, perhaps this small change might seem insignificant to anyone else, but after almost 8 years of this being a ritual of our everyday lives, it marked a major red flag. What had changed to invoke this disturbance in our relationship? Intimacy between us no longer existed. I found myself transitioned into a loveless marriage. We merely co-existed; acting like house-mates.
One day, during a ride together to pick up the children from school (it was his day off) he received a call from a woman whom he spoke to in his native tongue, Spanish. He was discussing setting an appointment for a future date, but other wise the call was very vague and devoid of details. After he completed his call I asked him what the appointment was about. His response shook me: “Don’t worry about it. It’s an appointment for my personal business.” Of course, being me, I’m not one to be the submissive wife. Instead I unloaded a whole load of repressed frustration. My response:
“Last time I checked we’re still married. Which means your business is my business. I’m tired of you doing this to me. We don’t talk unless it involves the kids or ‘what’s for dinner’ or ‘did the baby poop’. You come home and hide spending an hour in the bathroom after being gone from the house from 5:30 in the morning til 5 in the evening and most times I’m late for work. You expect me to have meals ready for the children before I leave the house for work. I have to take my oldest to work with me now or find someone to watch her because you refuse to watch her anymore. You insist that I have to work to help pay the bills, yet I have to do it around your schedule because you don’t want to pay to send our youngest to daycare. I’m available to take your family back and forth to work or school and I even have to reschedule appointments, work, or plans if your aunt is working and no one else can watch your cousin. When you aren’t in the bathroom you take late naps with the kids and then I’m up with them late at night, even on a school night. On your days off you sleep half the day away still leaving me to do everything, when we agreed you’d help more with the kids or chores. I cook, clean and keep everything running smooth, but I don’t take naps because I have too much to do between work, domestic duties and using the kitchen in a certain time frame since we are house sharing with your family. I don’t get a break. All my family is in Florida so my only reason for being here is you, but since you can’t even have enough respect to tell me what your appointment is about then I guess you aren’t good enough to keep me here anymore.”
I felt better having gotten all of this off my chest but of course he decided to reprimand me about what I say in front of the children. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to unload on him in the car with the kids, but I hadn’t used a single cuss word and my tone was level. He ended up telling me what the appointment was about, but it was evident to me he was in the process of mentally separating from me. It seemed he was gradually distancing himself from me all along. What had I done wrong? I’d bent over backwards trying to please him and keep the peace. How much more could I take?