(Take your time to read this please!)
It has been celebration galore for mothers. I have seen pictures and accolades. And of course, prayers.
However, as celebrate motherhood, let me bring forth the unending cold war between wives and daughters-in-law. Ironically, both are mothers.
There have been some recent but uncomfortable changes in the sociological set-up of many families. In those days, tue man’s mum was the one who came around during childbirth. But nowadays, you see our modern wives categorically telling their husbands:
“When I put to bed, mama (her mother-in-law) can come over but honey, she can’t stay more than one week!”
Who will help you out after?
“My mum will be coming over.”
“How long is she staying?” Hubby asks.
“Until I am strong enough to do things myself.”
I am not making up. I have seen this play out in many families and has generated a lot of bad blood because the mother-in-law usually finds out that her son’s wife does not want her to stay. And in any case, attitudinally, the wife will let her know that she is no longer welcome in the house.
There is always the regular excuses for this. From mothers-in-law being wicked and witches to being overbearing; from being inquisitive to running their sons’ homes, we are never short of excuses.
The problem here is that it is not about mother-in-law alone. Many of our young ladies who are married do not want any hubby’s family member to stay with them. Even those who were born of same parents with the hubbies.
Now, let me quickly say that there are truly TERRIBLE mothers-in-law. Yes, they exist. But they are infinitesimally low compared to good ones.
But the questions for our ladies are these
- Are you aware that your OWN mother is equally a mother-in-law to another woman?
- Are you aware that you have a son who will soon grow to be someone’s husband?
- You know your emotional investment on that boy. In fact, you check on him everyday in school (varsity) via phone. How do you feel if in ten years time, someone tells you you can’t enter his house again?
- How come your mum is the BEST on earth while your mother-in-law is the WORST?
- How come you are able to tolerate your own mum who you know, DEEP INSIDE YOU, to be overbearing (even on your own father) but you can’t stand your mother-in-law?
- How come your hubby is the BEST THING TO HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, but his mum is the WORST thing God created?
- Are you aware of the constant spiritual battles that woman is constantly fighting on behalf of your hubby?
- While you still indulge in sex, ALMOST DAILY, she has gone past it (since her husband died) and now dedicates her life to fasting and praying, EVERYDAY, not for herself, but her kids. INCLUDING YOUR HUSBAND. And even you!
I have heard, WITH MY OWN EARS, when two ladies said they would rather marry men whose mums had died before meeting them. And I said to myself: you will live long enough to have male kids but won’t be alive to see them get married!
Your wayward and irresponsible brother or sister can visit you. But your graduate brother-in-law looking for job can’t stay with you guys. You will make life miserable for him.
Concluding, I will continue to say that our parents had good marriages because of our mothers’ INCREDIBLE TOLERANCE.
We are Africans. Try to copy Americans till you ‘kpeme’, but as long as you live in Nigeria, we remain Africans. In-laws will always be part of our sociological set-up.
Your hubby has brought joy to you and today, being Mothering Sunday, have you paid tribute to that woman in whose womb, that “joy” was carried for nine months?
May joy of motherhood be for every good mother-in-law and responsible and tolerating wives in Jesus name.
NB: As a wife, you are free to disagree with this post!